Sweet, Sweet Surrender

By Heather Fraser

Last year I was unraveling.

When you were a kid, did you ever peel the white plastic covering off a golf ball, and marvel at all that tightly wound up elastic inside? I used to love unraveling it and watching it loosen up into one long, wiggly strand.

I felt like both the kid doing the peeling, and the golf ball. I'd been unraveling more of my mind.

One of the strangest things that happened was that Spirit gave me one of those "life reviews" while I was out walking one summer day. You know the kind that I mean...the one's you usually read about from people who have had near death experiences.

I was out for a hike. I was reflecting on the energy of surrender which had been in my face then. Actually, it's been in my face all my life. But then, it had been stirring up the deep, murky depths of my ego like a slow, silent tsunami.

While I was walking, I all of a sudden realized that I was seeing a succession of life events flashing before my eyes, just like watching a really bad movie. Spirit was trying to get my attention, and it was working. The movie went something like this...

- Born with heels that couldn't fully touch the ground

- Surgery to correct them by lengthening my Achilles tendons. Wheelchair for six weeks. Learn to walk again at age 5.

- Stomach pumped while being strapped to a table screaming at the top of my lungs from the tubes being shoved down my nose. I was 6. I had joyfully eaten a bottle of children's aspirin because they tasted really, really good.

- Abandoned by father. Alcoholic.

- Moved to Africa at age 9. Abandoned by mother and separated from my two brothers when she placed us all in different evil boarding schools for 4 years. We went to Africa so she could get married to a man she met on a trip.

- Abandoned by step-father in Africa. Alcoholic.

- Back to Canada. Now a high school freak from another country, with a weird accent and weird clothes. Become someone else to fit in and begin to live a lie.

- Get married at 28. Live a life of emotional numbness with an emotionally numb man in the perfect house in the tranquil countryside. I love the land more than I love the man.

- Have a diseased ovary. Undergo surgery to have it removed. It is diseased from lack of creative life force flowing through me.

- Sell everything we own. Buy a Westfalia and travel for a year on a spirit quest.

- Get pregnant after 6 years of trying.

- Traumatic birth. Husband can't cope emotionally so I do it with my mother at my side. Baby won't come out. Given drugs to stop labour so I can rest. Given an epidural. Given drugs to induce labour again. Given an episiotomy. Baby flies out with her arm stuck behind her head. All this in contrast to what started out as a drugless, beautiful water birth at home with a midwife.

- Leave husband after 10 years. Alcoholic.

- Single mother

- Personal bankruptcy.

- Jobs I couldn't stand. Quit them.

- Almost evicted.

- Jobless

- Supported by the system

- Impoverished

Life review over.

As I was walking I was getting really pissed. I'm not supposed to see this stuff until I croak. And where was all the good stuff? Why was I only being shown the hardships? And why was I being shown this? Was I about to kick the bucket or something?

I had no sooner asked the questions, when I began to see...

I began to see how I, (my Soul) had signed up for all these events. I began to see the perfect succession of my life energy slowly constricting, how each event had made my ego gain more and more control until the Light was almost extinguished, until there was almost NOTHING left. How the fall had come about from a mind controlled by the insane, terrified, personality.

It was all so perfect.

Talk about being given CLARITY into what my sneaky ego's insidious, underlying, deeply hidden dominant belief system was. I Am Unworthy.

Talk about witnessing insanity up close, and realizing YOU were the one choosing to believe this belief in every moment.

Talk about a tsunami reaching its peak and slowly and silently wiping out every single piece of garbage in its path.

Talk about the breathtaking unconditional love of your Soul wanting you to be free.

I remember that day how I stopped dead in my tracks.

I remember how I could see this line of dominos standing like soldiers in my mind's eye. Each domino represented each event and the underlying singular belief that I had chosen to take from them. I Am Unworthy.

I remember I stood still, and then proceeded to watch all the bullshit fall down in a sweet, sweet sweep of surrender.

With each domino that fell, my mind unraveled and unraveled and unraveled until there was nothing left but the clear, calm of a still lake.

And then I knew.

In that holy instant, I knew I was done with my past, and all the restriction, lack, and poverty consciousness that came with its circular lifetimes of generational belief in unworthiness.

There I was, standing motionless in the middle of a hiking trail, experiencing the most brilliant surrender of the mind, and it all happened so effortlessly. No hysteria. No sobbing meltdown. No drama. Just a sweet, sweet, silent surrender. A surrender to something different, to something more, to something like love, to something like WORTHINESS.

When it's time for stuff to happen, it just happens.

This is how fast the energies of awakening are moving through us now. It feels like there's this urgency in the air. It feels like we have to gently come to these realizations about ourselves NOW. It's time. It feels like we are being prepared for something; something major — something beautiful. I can sense this inner knowing in every cell of my Being, but we have to give up trying to figure stuff out. We have to be soft and vulnerable inside with all the false beliefs we carry about ourselves, which pretty much boil down to unworthiness. We literally have to love those untrue beliefs right out of our mind by relaxing, and trusting that it doesn't have to be a big, traumatic deal.

All the energy of the Universe is supporting us in this moment in time to free ourselves from the chains of enslavement. We simply need to open up to that truth, and we need to KNOW — not believe — but KNOW that it was Freedom that we signed up for this time around. How can it not be so? Just take a look around. When have you ever witnessed such a time of drastic change in the evolution of our world? It's never happened quite like this before; time to realize that our journey into the new world has to be baggage free. The more we keep on walking gently towards it in joy, the more that baggage will just naturally drop away. No fuss. No muss. I'm guessing that "light and fluffy" is gonna be the only way in.

Copyright 2010 Heather Fraser — www.heatherfraser.com Ontario, Canada

About Heather Fraser

Heather Fraser, born December 30, 1962 in Toronto, moved to Africa at the age of 9. It was here that Heather began to understand the connection to all living things and come to know the grace and wisdom of both the natural and esoteric world. Her healing, infinite journey of transformation has lead her to the richest, most sought after destination anywhere — home — to the soul. This place of deep awareness and self-acceptance of her special gifts of sensitivity, empathy, and intuition has given her all the passion and inspiration needed to write and teach what she has learned about honoring the Self and nurturing the soul — the true purpose of our existence. Heather specializes in counseling, re-educating, and profoundly validating those that are highly sensitive, intuitive, empaths, helping them to accept these traits as the gifts that they are and to express them proudly and shamelessly.

She is a gifted, prolific, successful published writer, poet, and speaker with a readership spanning the globe, as well as a Reconnective Healing Practitioner, a Level III Touch For Health Practitioner, and a former Holistic Nutritional Consultant, RNCP. Heather is the proud mother of a daughter she names Sage, who is also a highly intuitive, sensitive empath. They live together in Ontario, CANADA with their lazy cat and hilarious lovebird. For more information, or to contact Heather, please visit her website at www.heatherfraser.com