I Walk, I Breathe, I Feel, I Write

By Heather Fraser

This is what I'm learning lately.

When I walk, breathe, feel, and write, when I do these four simple things every day, I honor who I am.

Four things. That's it for me now. That's all I need to fill up on the inside. Oh sure, I can easily fill up, and even smugly overflow with the kinda fuel that comes from the outside. That kinda fuel always feels stolen to me though. The kind we steal from co-dependent relationships, meaningless sex, excessive food, alcohol, work, drugs, entertainment, or spending.

I know. That's how I used to live. Those were my examples...from family and society. I ended up with an addiction to an external locus of control, a racing monkey mind that I could never shut off, and a perfectionistic need to be someone...someone special. Ha!

Four things now. That's it...that's all. I wake up in the morning knowing what I have to do to feel blessed and grounded and full of the love that I am. NOTHING takes priority over these four things. Not even my daughter. I know that sounds harsh, even uncaring, but this I know for sure....if my tank gets low, I am one ineffective mother. Sure, I have to get up early sometimes and re-arrange a few things, but I do it...because I honor myself enough to do so now.

From this place I can give and receive fully and gladly. When I have integrity and reverence for my Soul, I can have it for hers too, and for anyone else's. From this place of fullness, I will allow abundance in, whatever shape that comes in, instead of isolating and with-holding and contracting my energy.

I know so deeply now that this is what I need, that in hindsight, on some level I realize that I chose for my life to be hammered and chiselled away to the core. I chose the massive hardships -materially, financially, and emotionally because my Soul had this unmoving, unyielding commitment to the truth of me becoming all that I am. It would have been nice to "get" this upfront...to not have had to crash and burn...to have listened to the subtle whispers of Spirit showing me the gentle road to freedom, instead of the screaming judges of Ego threatening what a failure I'd be if I didn't do this or that, blah, blah, blah. But then...I would have had nothing to write about..!

My life takes place in the stillness of silence now...my inner life that is. When there is absolutely no means or way left to escape into the externals, we have to go inside. After all the ranting and raving, after all the thrashing around, after all the begging and pleading and bargaining with God, after all the manipulation, after all the terror, panic, denial, and exhaustion, then you surrender, you let go, and you weep...and weep...and weep some more.

All that's left is silence. Deep, vast, penetrating, deafening, and full of such love, there are no words to describe it.

This love actually speaks..through feeling. And when we are empty and purged, we can feel. We can hear the sound of our inner voice through the most profound feelings of joy in our bodies. When I walk in nature I feel joy. When I breathe deeply I feel joy. When I feel everything openly I feel joy. When I write I feel joy. This is the joy of self respect. This is Love....the deep and abiding love of Self, no longer separated, no longer buried, no longer denied.

These are MY Soul's joy...MY Soul's priorities...MY Soul's commitments. And all of life will re-arrange itself now so that I can live this way, blessed with the fullness of more than enough of everything I desire to live my life the way I choose.

Yesterday, while I was driving in my car, I actually felt the physical slow, pulsing warmth of my heart chakra opening. This feeling radiated outward across my chest like warm honey melting, like the rhythmic, undulating waves of the ocean. I've never experienced that physical heart sensation before. It filled me such a sense of beauty and gratitude, that I almost had to pull the car over! Now every time I consciously take myself into my heart, I can feel it radiating open again. I never want to live outside myself again.

For me, becoming authentic and real has been hard. I'll not ever deny that fact. I think that's why most people give up and jump ship. But I also think it's been hard because I would not soften...I could not hear my inner voice, so attached was I to becoming someone special, and important, and successful. Didn't happen. Don't want it too now.

These days, my inner voice has become my Divine Authority. I listen to nothing and no one else. I simply Am...I simply Love...I simply Share, with my heart as my only guide, while I walk, while I breathe, while I feel, while I write...

Copyright 2009 Heather Fraser — www.heatherfraser.com Ontario, Canada

About Heather Fraser

Heather Fraser, born December 30, 1962 in Toronto, moved to Africa at the age of 9. It was here that Heather began to understand the connection to all living things and come to know the grace and wisdom of both the natural and esoteric world. Her healing, infinite journey of transformation has lead her to the richest, most sought after destination anywhere — home — to the soul. This place of deep awareness and self-acceptance of her special gifts of sensitivity, empathy, and intuition has given her all the passion and inspiration needed to write and teach what she has learned about honoring the Self and nurturing the soul — the true purpose of our existence. Heather specializes in counseling, re-educating, and profoundly validating those that are highly sensitive, intuitive, empaths, helping them to accept these traits as the gifts that they are and to express them proudly and shamelessly.

She is a gifted, prolific, successful published writer, poet, and speaker with a readership spanning the globe, as well as a Reconnective Healing Practitioner, a Level III Touch For Health Practitioner, and a former Holistic Nutritional Consultant, RNCP. Heather is the proud mother of a daughter she names Sage, who is also a highly intuitive, sensitive empath. They live together in Ontario, CANADA with their lazy cat and hilarious lovebird. For more information, or to contact Heather, please visit her website at www.heatherfraser.com